How To Throw a Grand Final Party When You're Not Stuffed Who Wins

unnamed (2).jpg

The final Saturday in September has arrived once again - a hallowed day around living rooms and coffee-tables nationwide as virtually all Aussies are expected to gather in front of the telly to watch the largest national sporting event in our calendar. It doesn't matter if you're like us and loyal to a Western club or you just inherently detest the game of footy. Attending or hosting a Grand Final party will most likely be a reality for you this weekend, regardless of any preconceived sporting loyalties.

We're going to help you get through the impending boredom by laying out some tips for throwing your very own Grand Final party when you don't give a toss who takes home the Flag.


Season favourites – the Adelaide Crows take on a determined Richmond Tigers side who have reached the AFL’s biggest day through pure heart and a little magic from Dusty after over 30 years without featuring in a Premiership match. But you won’t hear any sympathies from us here in the West.

The reality is the black and yellow army is nothing more than a surly, rough-around-the-edges, bunch of whingers that need a perspective check when it comes to this stat. Sure it’s been almost four decades but at least you get a Grand Final every year in your bloody suburb while the West is stuck praying we’re lucky enough to even see a finals match.

Photo: Taken by Sarah Reed,  AdelaideNow

Photo: Taken by Sarah Reed, AdelaideNow


When Guests Arrive:

Nothing hides lack of interest more than a good bit of face paint. Greet your guests at the door with some face paint and an ice cold beer with your face already transformed into a masterpiece. Resist the urge to go with blue and gold or purple and white. No one likes a sook on Saturday. 

Jot down all 44 Premiership players’ names and place them into a hat to be divided up evenly and allocated to your guests on arrival to be used later for some in-game activities. Barricade your front door until each guest has some paint on and takes their player names.

Here's a pretty advanced tutorial for those that think the face painting sounds more fun than the actual match...

What to drink?

*Available at all Liquor Barons stores

*Available at all Liquor Barons stores

We recommend grabbinga very sessionable carton of Little Creatures Rogers to drink throughout the four quarters so at least one of your hands will now incapacitated for the match's entire duration. With a party pie in the other hand and one in your gob, things are finally starting to look up arn't they?

Still, if the wait til the final siren is getting ridiculous, having a few additional crafties close at hand will certainly speed up the clock.

* Available at select Liquor Barons stores

* Available at select Liquor Barons stores

Look no further than a can of Sonic Prayer IPA by Modus Operandi Brewery recommended by the Perth Beer Snobs specifically for this game in our blog. This is a beer that’s been making a lot of waves in our local craft beer community with extremely positive reviews. At a little over $10 for a large can, it's certainly not what we'd call cheap but it's not too steep for a WCE supporter. Pick up a couple of nice crafties such as this for each of your guests as a nice way to celebrate the game, to use as guest prizes or more realistically take your mind off the lack of West Australian representation.


Be warned… With an ABV of 6% this beer is going to be anything but sessionable so try to stick with Rogers most of the day.

What to Eat?

What else is there?

A BBQ obviously...

Trust us, nothing silences the whinges of a supporter whose team didn't make the cut like a couple of snaggers in their belly. 


Having the ability to slip away from the telly to tend to the barbeque is also an excellent way to bow out of the boredom while you make sure your guests are kept satisfied.

If you're a scrub and want to be extra povo you can always swing by your local Bunnings right before your guests arrive!

What to Watch?

Duh! Do we need to spell this out for you? Obviously, you won't be watching the latest foreign film on SBS...

Make sure you have or borrow the most aggressively large TV or projector screen you can find for your living room. This is the one event of the year that it’s probably going to make any difference going to the effort of upgrading your viewing capabilities. Things are never as boring when they're big right? That must be why Tex Walker gets all the girls...Even if it’s only a temporary arrangement for the day, you will not regret the decision and your mates who care that little bit more about the game won’t regret spectating at your place this weekend.


The 2017 Grand Final will be live on Free-to-Air from 12pm and delayed broadcast on Fox Footy from 3.30pm.

PRO TIP: Organise a second TV to be set up either in the kitchen or outside by the barbecue and\or smoking area so no one has to miss any of the action. This can alternatively also be used to play a movie or something else on for those of us who might tune out during the match. 

Making your own entertainment:

Each guest should have a group of player names assigned to him at the front door. Use them to award prizes like fancier craft beers to substitute for your Roger's beers as follows.

Photo:  The Herald Sun .
  • Guest with the first goal scorer for each quarter & Norm Smith Medallist – to be awarded a craft beer prize

  • When one of your players kicks a goal – to be awarded a craft beer prize

  • If a player takes a hanger grab on one of your players or they recieve a 50 metre penalty - hand one of your craft beer prizes to the owner of the opposition player

  • The Killers will be performing at Half time. Divide up popular Killers songs - Person with the song played first/last receives a craft beer prize.

Let's keep things civilised here guys... After all, we encourage drinking responsibly. You might not give a toss who wins but we would prefer you still remember the result.