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Wayne wants to know if the punk is feeling lucky?

There is never a dull day in an Armadale bottle shop, so the eerie quiet of Thursday afternoon is particularly suspicious.

Believing the coast is clear, Wayne takes a moment to relax and enjoy a crossword. Suddenly, he hears a familiar voice piercing through the serenity. It’s Maria, the 60 year old bargain-seeking scud missile and she has her aim set on a bottle of her father’s favourite port, “what’s the best price you can do darrrrling”.

Wayne is no stranger to Maria’s flirty dance of the discount and concedes no ground before hearing another familiar voice, “what have you got for free Wayne?” Like always, Wayne produces an empty bag to Maria’s father, “can do you a 6 pack of air how about that?”

Wayne gets back to his crossword when his shitbagy sense starts tingling.  A few decades in the bottle shop game has turned Wayne into the Elliot Stabler of especially heinous shoplifting based offences.

Wayne knows that the worst thieves are always the ones you suspect the least. A young couple with a pram are acting as suss as a vegan around a petting zoo gate. To the casual observer they are just checking in on their baby, but Wayne suspects something more sinister.

   Limited edition paper bags at a Liquor Barons store near you, get yours now!

Limited edition paper bags at a Liquor Barons store near you, get yours now!

When they come up to try and pay for a single stubby Wayne sees through them like a millennial's dress at a music festival, “your baby sure clinks a lot, must have that new glass Fisher Price toy?” Unwilling to test Wayne, the couple abandon the decoy pram and flee like they had 3 months to serve in a Balinese prison.

While recovering his stock from the pram, Wayne is approached by a gent that looks young enough to have a faint memory of his own umbilical cord, “got some ID mate?” The young’n hands Wayne his cousin’s expired ID. Wayne sighs, “says here it's your birthday? You have to give me the number of your Botox guy, you look great for 42 mate”.

The jig is up and the kid starts sweating like a substitute teacher in a portable classroom. Wayne then gestures towards the kids backpack, “a back to school themed party is it?” Yep, the kid’s school tie is poking out.

Wayne’s glare almost sends the kid back to the start of puberty, which probably only was last week to be honest.

Artwork: Shakey Jakey

Article: Bell Tower Times

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THE PAPER BAG PROJECT

Liquor Barons Commissions And Collaborations With Perth Visual Artists

Each morning I drink coffee from cafes around Perth, many of whom use take-away cups with featured artists or artworks on them. They range from cool to really epic, and it begs the question: Why aren't we doing something with our bottle bags?

We are an independent premium wine/beer/spirits retailer, it makes sense that we support local, independent artists. So here we are.  

We commission Perth artists to create 3 original designs in black and white to be printed onto paper bottle bags: single bottle, double and triple bottle, each bag has a different artwork. We leave the focus of each design is entirely up to the artist, our only stipulation is the design be reflective of the artist's style. The series of three bag is printed as a limited run, and distributed to Liquor Barons stores, ready for you.

We hope you learn about a local artist you may not have heard about before, that you have something new to talk about, and most importantly, support a local artist who is leading in their field. This project is unique in Australia - we are the first liquor group to do it, but I wager we won't be the last.

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